My day fighting the trolls.

I wrote an IG post the other day declaring my love – for myself.

As a creative person, hell as a person person, self love is a challenging thing. But at this particular moment in time I just felt it – I loved myself. I was thankful for who I was. I felt truly and uniquely me. It was fleeting and was followed by critical thought, beating myself up for one thing or another. Maybe it was for eating something naughty, being messy, being clumsy, not hitting my writing goal, beating myself up for beating myself up. Whatever, what is important is that for a moment I felt love for Amie.

Amie loved Amie.

So I wrote about it. And for some reason, I had to spend the rest of the day monitoring my post, deleting just under a dozen of mean, trolly comments. Whaaaaaa?

I don’t get a lot of ‘hate’ on my profile. My followers have always felt like family, authors, poets, creative souls, you are all so supportive and incredibly kind and I love you. I truly do.

The only other mean comments I’ve gotten in my time ‘online’ was a post of me lying on the floor in my pjs, on my computer. This photo  according to some, showed too much of my arse. Seriously, that shit gets me riled up. But this post did not have my wonderful booty in it – this post was about self love and it dragged out some anger. It completely intrigues me.

The upset, angered, individuals were intent on telling me that I didn’t make sense. That I should stop talking, because I am not wise. That I was not entitled to share these thoughts. They insisted that my thoughts were not just invalid, but that they were so wrong they actually did not make sense. “Oh honey just stop.” “You don’t make any sense”.

I reread my post. I read it again. It makes sense. It’s a little bit stream of conscious, but so is a lot of my writing. I feel that I am clearly articulating that I love myself. I love myself for lots of reasons. But one of the reasons I love myself is  because I write. This makes sense right? Am I insane? I mean, I am a little, but only in the good ways.

Why is loving ourselves such a controversial thing? Why does it bring out this reaction?

I admit that when I posted my Pyjama photo that it crossed my mind. My butt is big and you can see it in the photo. I thought, I wonder if people are going to kick a fuss up about this. But for this post, it didn’t cross my mind that people would take issue.

As unpublished writer’s we have to keep ourselves in check all – the -time. Being a writer can be extremely hard on the self esteem. I am so hard on my writing. I am hard on myself when I don’t write well, I am hard on myself when I don’t write enough. I know you know what I am talking about, because you experience this too. It’s exhausting.

Perhaps the self loathing epidemic is so rife in our creative community that even the notion of someone having a second of self love is painful. Maybe it seems insane. Maybe self love as a creative person literarily doesn’t make sense. We all got to be like Hemingway to write right?

I really disagree.

Writing should bring us closer to ourselves, allow us to connect to our magical, divine souls, our true selves. Story telling lets us explore who we are, and it should bring us closer to self love. Not further away. I’m not saying it is easy. It isn’t. But I hope that your writing practise gives you a sense of pride, satisfaction and self love. You are doing something that not lot of people can do. You are giving stories to the world and at the same time you are exploring who you are. You should love yourself for that. I love you for that.

Amie.

4 Comments

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  1. Heaven forbid we accept ourselves, let alone declare our love for ourselves! I’ve encountered the trolls so long and so often now, that I now just laugh, and sit them down with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Which is what they so often desperately need.
    To heartily love and accept one’s self is to hold up a big, shiny mirror to others. Some people get all angry and shouty in their discomfort. But for many, it’s a beautiful gift. Because though many of us are shy about it, we’re also entranced by the thought of our own messy magic. And when others have the courage and compassion to love themselves as they are, it shows us, (in the spirit of camaraderie) that we can love and embrace ourselves too.
    Good for you! I love who you are and what you do. x

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  2. Amie.
    I found you on Instagram by chance, and every single post that I have ever read from you had been absolutely amazing. It’s artwork in itself. Poetry, if you will admit to it. I very much enjoy your writing style and your posts.

    I am a happily married man, but that butt post was quite lovely and I’m not even a butt guy😊
    I don’t care who it is, who you are, whether you stand for good or evil…there will always be negative, judgemental types of “trolls” out there ready and willing to make a statement. And honestly, they dont have a voice or “feel like” they have a voice any other way. Screw them.
    Self love is hard to come by…as a writer or not, I’m a writer and I struggle with it all the time. I always doubt my words not necessarily my effort or persistence. I say to you, keep doing what you’re doing and screw them. You’re doing great and the right people are noticing that😊

    Great job.
    Signed another fellow writer…

    Trevor Murray

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  3. When people have to tear others down for declaring self love – you know there is something wrong. First of all, there was nothing at all wrong with your post of you laying on the ground. You didn’t have any butt cheek, or Lacey underwear in the photo, and even if you did, who cares! It’s your page and if people don’t like what you post they should not be following you, you post nothing but support and encouragement and encourage everyone that reads your posts to be creative and be kind, not only to them selves, but to others. I’m sorry that people thought it right to attack you in this way, they have no reason to do so. Keep writing, keep loving yourself, and keep posting photos!

    PS: if people find a bottom offensive, they should learn to look in the mirror more often and realise it is part of the human body. Nothing offensive about that at all.

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  4. I have been wondering what I would do if (when?) I am exposed to trolls. Thank you for sharing. I had to go back to check on that butt post. I didn’t even notice earlier, still a good post, if you ask me:)
    Thank you for blogging and instagraming!

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